


Tales of the Heartland

by IDontReallyWantAUsername



Category: The Two Princes (Podcast)
Genre: ALSO MAKE THAT A TAG, Boys in dresses, Fluff, Gen, I will single handedly populate that tag if i must, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kinda?, M/M, Makeover, No plot just fluff, Or At Least I Tried, POV Animal, Pet Shenanigans, Smart Joan, Swearing, Yikes, as a treat, cecily is the champion of self love, idk how to write, ok so maybe a little plot, porridge and fitzroy do shenaniganry, uhhhhhhh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27548659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IDontReallyWantAUsername/pseuds/IDontReallyWantAUsername
Summary: A little collection of stories from the HeartlandLike that one episode of ATLA
Relationships: Amir/Rupert (Two Princes Podcast), Cecily & Rupert (The Two Princes Podcast)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Tales of the Heartland

**Author's Note:**

> I literally just finished this before I'm posting it cause I'm too excited it's done to wait for a beta, I'm going to take one more read through it but then I'm posting and I'm done lmao.
> 
> Joan's story got a little out of hand so it's like half of this : /
> 
> Also all of this first chapter is free of S3 spoilers if anyone hasn't listened yet.

The Tale of Rupert and Cecily

“Cecily!” Rupert practically kicked in her door in his frenzy, startling Cecily all the way to her feet. “I have an emergency!!”

“Like hide a body emergency or end of the world emergency?” Cecily let out a little unashamed giggle at her own joke.

“Wha- Cecily? No.” Rupert stuttered as he started pacing around Cecily’s room. “Amir asked me out on a date!”

“Yes, and?” Cecily said, confused at the distressed look on Rupert’s face.

“And?! And what?! He asked me out on a date!” Rupert said. Then it clicked in Cecily’s mind.

“You two haven’t even been out on a date yet?!” Cecily said in shock. “You’ve been engaged to be married for a month now, and you still haven’t gone on an official date?

“No we- We never had the time.” Rupert's face fell a little at the words. Seeing this Cecily, changed the topic gracefully.

“So let me guess,” Cecily said, already moving towards her wardrobe. “You’ve come to me, as you damn well should, for fashion advice!”

“No I-” Rupert started to counter but quickly cut off, thinking for a moment before giving a sheepish smile. “Well actually yeah, that is… That's pretty much it.”

Cecily laughed at Rupert’s chagrin for just a moment before jumping into action. She quickly pulled Rupert to her large vanity, pushing him down into the chair none too gently.

“Okay! Tell me everything. Where are you going? When are you going? and what are you doing?” Cecily started firing off questions a mile a minute. She swiped a small fancy comb from the surface of the vanity, quickly getting to work on Rupert’s rats nest that passed for hair. “Rupey. When was the last time you combed your hair? This is a mess.”

“Hey!” Rupert said, hands flying up to his hair in a defensive way. “Constructing a whole new kingdom is very time consuming. Now you’re gonna have to ask those questions one at a time if you want answers.”

“Ughh.” Cecily sighed. “So where are you going?”

“Just the palace gardens.” Rupert cringed slightly as Cecily worked at his hair.

“When?” Cecily said, trying to find some way to part Rupert’s hair neatly. 

“He- He just told me he’d cleared the whole evening of meetings, so we could do this.” Rupert smiled to himself at the memory of his fiance. Cecily rolled her eyes at this, she couldn’t believe she ever thought she’d be with him, Rupert was so exhuastingly gay sometimes. Cecily was smiling too though, even her exasperation couldn't tamper how happy she was for her friend.

“So evening walk through the gardens? Very romantic.” Cecily said as she finally got Rupert’s messy curls to fall more gracefully. “Okay! Wardrobe!”

“Should we go to my?...” Rupert began, but Cecily was already throwing open her own walk in closet. “Cecily are you sure about this?”

“Of course!” Cecily called back to him, searching through the racks of clothes.

“But… A dress?” Rupert’s voice was slightly small.

“If you don’t want to go for a dress.” Cecily swirled around with a nice looking satin shirt, handing it to Rupert she went back to the racks. “You’d certainly be a knockout in that, just go grab some dress pants from your room. Or…”

Cecily whipped around, holding a pale green sundress, it had a wrapped style top, and the skirt moved almost like water. Rupert let out a small gasp, he’d fully expected Cecily to show him some over the top ballgown and he’d been prepared to decline but…

“Wow.” Rupert said quietly, eyes locked on the way the skirt flowed so easily as Cecily moved it slightly.

“So?” Cecily was smirking at Rupert’s awed expression.

“I- I mean it wouldn’t hurt to try…” Rupert said a little shakily.

Cecily gave out a little squeal and handed the dress to Rupert, proceeding to shove him into the walk in closet to change.

“I knew you’d like it!” Cecily said to the closed door, when no response came she continued. “And of course you can still say no if you don’t like it.”

After another few seconds the door pushed open gently. Rupert stood there in the dress, swaying slightly from side to side to see the skirt flow.

“You look gorgeous.” Cecily said softly, breaking into a smile at Rupert’s little grin.

“Yeah I…” Rupert turned back to the vanity, catching his reflection in the mirror. “I like how I look in it.” 

“Obviously. I am a master of fashion, and champion of self love!” Cecily and Rupert both broke out into giggles, laughing for a moment before Rupert looked back to the mirror and frowned. “What?”

“But like…” Rupert worried his lip while looking in the mirror. “What if he doesn’t like it?”

Cecily almost laughed at that, but managed to stop herself when she saw the serious look in Rupert’s eye.

“Rupey.” She began, fully grabbing his face and looking him straight in the eyes. “That man loves you SO much, it literally broke a curse! He will be floored when he sees you, no matter what you’re wearing.”

“Thank you.” Rupert grinned widely for a moment, but then his face changed to a look of confusion. “Then why do this much?”

“For yourself obviously! Don’t you feel better about yourself now?” Cecily smiled as Rupert looked into the mirror to assess his appearance again.

“Yeah… Yeah I do.”

“And Amir fainting at the sight of you is just a bonus!” Cecily said, causing them both to break out into a fit of giggles again.

“Thank you Cecily.” Rupert offered his arms for a hug, Cecily accepting immediately and squeezing back tightly. “I really needed that.”

“What did I say? Champion of self love.”  
\---------------  
The Tale of Porridge and Fitzroy

Porridge was lounging in a sunbeam by the window, barely even awake, until a weight jumped on top of him. Porridge made a noise of distaste at being woken and flipped around to see his assailant.

“Ruff!” was the only response Fitzroy gave before they tumbled together in a wrestling match. The two had fun chasing each other's tails and trying to pounce on the other, running around the room and bumping into walls and other things. They eventually hit a table, causing a small vase to fall and shatter, halting them both in their tracks.

There was a noise of someone coming toward the room to see what the noise was, Porridge and Fitzroy looked at each other and then both watched the door until…

“Okay what is tha- AH!” Poor Ellen the maid practically screeched as Fitzroy and Porridge immediately dashed out around her legs, almost sending her falling to the floor.

Porridge gave a little screech of delight as he and Fitzroy dashed through the halls of the castle, servants were yelling behind them but Porridge ignored it. Some guards had been following them and a few more entered the other end of the corridor to cut them off, but porridge didn’t even startle, he just grabbed Fitzroy by the scruff of his neck and flew straight out a window to the right. Most dogs would probably be rather distressed at being several stories in the air carried by a dragon, but it wasn’t like this was the first time they’d done this. When porridge spotted the correct window he glided down, dropping Fitzroy softly on the floor of the kitchen’s large store room.

Porridge and Fitzroy looked at each other for about one second before bursting out the door and proceeding to wreak havoc, Kitchen staff were screaming and food was flying everywhere, Porridge easily catching some goodies from the air and Fitzroy going straight for that evening's planned steak dinner. When the kitchen’s main door burst open, guards yelling for them again, Porridge quickly flew back to grab Fitzroy, he whined as he was pulled away from the steaks but he went willingly. Porridge flew out the closest window and started towards the bedroom window, but slowed by his short feast and Fitzroy feeling heavier, he struggled to gain the needed altitude.

Porridge drifted them to a flatter part of the roof where he could catch his breath and they wouldn’t be caught, as he set Fitzroy down the dog curled up. He seemed a little sad about the lost steaks, but Porridge had managed to grab one before they flew off, and he dropped it right by Fitzroy’s face.

“Ruff!” Fitzroy’s tail wagged at lightning speed at the sight of the steak, he was about to chow down, but stopped when he remembered Porridge. Fitzroy caught one end of the steak in his mouth and holding the other with his foot, he ripped the steak in half as best he could, throwing one half to Porridge before going in to devour his half. Porridge ate his half slower as he watched the sun begin to fall over the horizon.

After the short break Porridge was ready to fly again, he grabbed Fitzroy again and flew them up through the one way flap on the window of the bedroom, They’d no more than landed when the door flew open.

“What are you talking about?” Rupert walked in with a guard on his heels. “My baby boys would never. See they’re right here where I left them!”

“But your highness the kitchens.” The guard started to say but Rupert had already crossed the room and began hugging and petting Porridge and Fitzroy.

“You didn’t do anything did you?” Rupert tried for reprimand but with Fitzroy’s literal puppy dog eyes and Porridge’s almost better puppy dog eyes he didn’t stand a chance. Rupert proceeded to see the guard out of the room, Porridge couldn’t help but make smug eye contact with the guard before the door closed behind the two.

The sun was almost all set now and Fitzroy and Porridge were tired from their little adventure, so by the time Rupert and Amir made it back up to their room, Porridge and Fitzroy were snuggled closely on the bed, fast asleep.  
\---------------  
The Tale of Sir Joan

Wind rustled the leaves, and the gravel road crunched underfoot as Joan walked alone down the forest road, looking out of the corner of her eye at the treelines. Travelers and messengers had been reporting strange sightings along the western road, weird noises, shapes moving in the trees, and one disgruntled cabbage merchant whose cart apparently disappeared into thin air. Not wanting to waste a whole team on this possibly pointless mission, Joan decided to go herself.

Joan had been walking for nearly two hours now, eyeing the slowly setting sun she was about ready to call it a fluke, when she heard the sharp sound of a twig cracking behind her.

“Who's there?” Joan said, whipping around and drawing her sword, only to see an empty street. “If someone is there, show yourself! In the name of the heartland!”

When there was no response Joan stepped forward slowly, indeed spotting a split twig on the path, but no other sign anything happened. Joan looked around into the treelines, the underbrush wasn’t too thick but she couldn’t see far beyond the first few trees, the thick canopy of leaves blocking out most of the sunlight. Joan looked up and proceeded to furrow her brow, the sun looked to already be halfway to the horizon, Joan had planned for this to be just a day trip, in and out easy, but now she’s worried if she’ll be able to get back to the Heartland before sunset. Some bushes rustled on the other side of the path, Joan turning around to just catch a glimpse of a large shape passing between trees.

“Halt!” Joan called out, but the thing didn’t listen, Joan just catching another glimpse of it going deeper into the woods. “Fuck.”

Joan hesitated for only a second before darting into the treeline and giving chase. She couldn’t see more than a dark blur a ways ahead of her, as she had to quickly maneuver through the trees, keeping enough of an eye on the ground to avoid stones and bramble, Joan managed to keep the shape in her periphery as she was running, but suddenly she felt a tug at her leg.

“Shit!” Joan cursed as she looked down to untangle her foot from the root it had stuck on, as she managed to cut it with her sword she couldn’t help but think, she had been keeping an eye on the ground and she could swear there was nothing in her path. Joan went to run again, hoping she hadn’t quite lost the creature, but she promptly skidded to a halt before running face first into a large boulder that was definitely not there before she looked down.

“What the…?” Joan spoke quietly to herself, before starting to circle the boulder and examine it, the grass and roots were growing around it so it certainly wasn’t just dropped here, and then Joan stopped in her tracks when she noticed how dark it was. The trees weren’t as closely packed in this spot, allowing Joan to see the night sky above her, the moon being the only light shining down.

“Well that’s definitely not right.” Joan said aloud due to her surprise, the sun had only just been setting when she ran into the forest, she certainly hadn’t been running for hours. With the nightfall surely the princes would be worried about her, she’d assured them it would be a day trip, but now thinking about it Joan maybe shouldn’t have made that promise when she didn’t even know what she was getting into. 

It was a fluke, Joan decided, she just needed to get back before the princes threw a fuss and sent out a search party after her. She turned on her heel to walk back towards the road, and as she walked through the identical trees, she couldn’t help but think maybe she had been running for hours, the way back was feeling much longer, but the figurative shoe dropped when she stepped out into a small clearing with a large boulder in the middle.

She came into the clearing from the other side now, so there was no way she had just gotten turned around, the boulder looked about the same size and shape as the first but she couldn’t be sure. Of course she had heard the folk stories, magical sprites in deep woods, messing with poor unsuspecting mortals, but Joan had always thought they were just that, stories, but after all she has seen now she can’t help but think there might be some truth to the tales. She had to be sure before she did anything drastic, for all she knew she had just accidentally veered off course into a different boulder and she was just imagining things, but if there were mischievous sprites messing with her they must be watching now. Joan schooled her face into one of less consideration and more confusion, before continuing to walk past the boulder and in the same direction, but as she passed it she stuck her sword out slightly, marking the stone discreetly.

Joan continued to walk for only a short time now before she found herself in a small clearing with a large boulder, dropping whatever act she had been trying to portray, she went to look at the side of the rock, and there was the small mark she had expected.

“Alright spirits!” Joan held her sword up at attention again as she spoke. “I’ve figured out your trick, now just show yourselves cowards!”

“Cowards?”  
“How rude.”  
“Mean sword lady.”

Multiple tiny shrill voices came out of the woods.

“You- you’re pixies?” Joan certainly didn’t disbelieve magic, how could she after all that has happened, but she certainly wasn’t expecting multiple tiny glowing lights in a wide range of colors coming out from behind tree branches.

“Are we pixies?”  
“Did you think we were hobgoblins?”  
“Silly mortal doesn’t even know a pixie when she sees one!”

The small voices and snickers seemed to be coming from the lights, but Joan couldn’t see anything beyond the bright glow.

“Alright pixies, you’ve been leading me in circles for hours now! So explain yourselves!” Joan tried to hold her sword towards one, but the size of the lights was only slightly larger than the blade of her sword, and she wasn’t sure what size they were beyond they’re glow. A chorus of tiny giggles burst out, until one bright green light came forward and sat on the end of her blade, she felt the slight weight but it was barely anything.

“Explain what exactly?” Came a shrill voice from the end of her sword.

“Explain to me why you’ve been leading me in circles for hours maybe?!” Joan huffed “Or maybe why you’ve been harassing travelers on the western road!”

“Why?” The green light spoke, then there was a small moment of silence before all the lights broke into giggles again. “For fun of course!”

“Ugh.” Joan certainly couldn’t kill them and so threats would be pointless, so she supposed she had to reason with them, so she moved her sword down away from the green light that just kept floating there, and sheathed it. “Okay pixies you need to stop harassing travelers, you have everyone scared to death.”

“Stop meddling?”  
“Oh no we could never!”  
“Darn mortals deserve it.”

“Why?” Joan said

“Well maybe if the mortals didn’t want us to mess with them-” The green light came forward again, almost close enough for Joan to see the small outline of a body amidst the glow. “Maybe they shouldn’t have messed with us!”

“What did they do?” Joan had caught a line, now she just hoped she could play it to her advantage and get the pixies to stop.

“The berries!”  
“Poor berries!”  
“Sweet berries!”

Multiple voices called out before the green one moved slightly, seemingly shushing them.

“That ‘Western Road’ as you put it, ran right over our berries fields!” The green light said indignantly. “We’ve been struggling to pull together enough to feed ourselves after those horrible mortals paved right over our crops, leaving not even a seed!”

“What if we helped you?” All Joan got was a questioning hum in return. “The Heartland has prosperous farmland, we could surely spare enough to feed a few small stomachs.”

“Really?”  
“More berries?”  
“Sharing?”

“We couldn’t just uproot our society and move to a far away kingdom.” the green light said.

“I understand, I’m sure we can work out a system for delivery.” Joan let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding. “If you stop harassing travelers and let me go so i can speak to the princes about this.”

“Oh of course!” The green light did a little twirl in the air and when Joan looked behind her she could see the road beyond just a few trees.

“So I will hopefully return tomorrow with more food, deal?” Joan went to hold out her hand before realising a handshake wouldn’t exactly make sense, so she went to drop her hand and blushed.

“Deal!” The Green light caught Joan’s hand before it could fall all the way and did shake it, and as Joan made the long walk home she couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.

**Author's Note:**

> I will hopefully be posting the next chapter with S3 spoilers soon but don't hold your breath cause hhhhhhhhhh executive dysfunction.


End file.
